13 December 2017

Nineteen Thoughts For Nineteen Years

I turned nineteen! Wahoo!

     *Insert party popper explosions here.* I celebrated my nineteenth birthday a few days ago and I'm not going to lie, it's still blowing my mind that I'm no longer eighteen. I feel like I took forever to turn eighteen and then once I did, only two seconds went by and now I'm nineteen. This past year has gone by so fast, it actually makes me a little sad. I spent a little while thinking about this past year and the new year ahead of me and there were a bunch of thoughts that kept popping into my mind. So, of course, I thought the bet thing to do would to be to share them with all of you. 

My Nineteen Thoughts For Nineteen Years:  

1. It’s Okay To Not Be Okay
    I have a history of putting on a brave face, never really letting my negative emotions show, and only letting said emotions out when I am alone. Always answering "yes, I'm fine" over and over again until I would begin to believe it. Sometimes that's okay, but most of the time that's just a toxic circle with a painful outcome. It took me a very long time to realize that it's okay to not hide those negative emotions for only my own company, and to answer once and a while with a "no, I'm not fine". 
2. Real Friends Aren’t Necessarily The Ones You’ve Known The Longest
    When I was younger, I thought that the best friends I mad as a child were going to be my life long best friends. They were going to be the people I was closest to, simply because I had known them the longest. The reality is that that idea isn't reality. My childhood best friends walk the line between friend and acquaintance and my best friend now, who I've only known for a few months, feels closer. than anyone before her. 
3. I Really Love Looking At The Stars
    They remind me how small I am. But they also remind me that even though I am so small, I am still capable of doing great things. They keep me grounded, while always making sure that I am looking up, searching for more. 
4. Now Is Not The Time For Roots
    I have friends putting down roots. Making decisions to last a lifetime (or so they think, I suppose). I can't think of anything I'd want to do less. 
5. Sometimes Letting Go Is The Best Option
    I had to let someone I loved go, and it was hard. It was possibly one of the hardest things I've had to do. But I had to do it. Sometimes holding on to someone isn't worth it. Letting go is hard, but holding on isn't worth the pain. 
6. Loving Someone And Being In Love With Someone Are Two Very Different Things
    This wasn't something I understood until recently. I loved someone, and I was in love with that same person. But things changed, circumstances shifted, life moved on, and I still love that person, but I'm no longer in love with them. It's not easy, but it's also not as heartbreaking as I thought it would be. 


7. Bad Times Make Good Times Even Better
    Ying and yang. Ups and downs. Hills and valleys. The bad times suck, but they make you appreciate the good so much more. 
8. Self Confidence Starts With Self Acceptance
    I had to learn to accept myself before I could be confidant in who I was. 
9. I Can Be My Own Companion
    Just because I happen to be alone doesn't mean I can't do things. I can be my own best company. Go to the movies. Go out to dinner. Go to the park. All by myself. Revolutionary. 
10. Just Do It
    Seriously, just do it. 
11. Sometimes When You Want Something Done, You Do Have To Do It Yourself
    While I do appreciate help from others, sometimes it's just best to step up and do something yourself. It's my inner control freak coming out. 
12. Moving Out Means More Room For Mugs
    Moving out is amazing and terrifying, so I just keep telling myself that even though there are all these scary things that come with moving out, I can also buy all the mugs I want and no one can stop me. That helps a little. 


13. Don’t Rush The Healing Process
    Time heals. It's cliche for a reason. 
14. The Money Will Work Out
    I will forever have the dark clouds of student debt looming over me so I've just accepted that burden and am trusting myself to work it out. I am refusing to let that burden hinder me from living a full and wonderful life now. 
15. Eat The Cake
    Especially if it's chocolate. 
16. Wear The Cute Shoes, Even If They Hurt
    Feet go numb after a couple hours, it'll be fine. 
17. Be Proud
    I am proud of who I am. There are a lot of things, good and bad, that went into making me who I am today, but I'm incredibly proud of the outcome. I am proud of the things I do and the decisions I make. I am proud of the content I create. I am proud of my past, and who it made me into, and I am proud of my future, and who I will be. 
18. Fat Things With Little Legs Make Everything Better 
    Puppies. Kittens. Babies. 
19. It Never Hurts To Dream Big
    A dream never hurt anyone, so why not shoot for the stars and dream big. 

-xx-
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